I was busy at work in my home office when I got a call from her son, Eli Ahiabu, around 5:00 p.m. or so, California time. I thought he was calling on issues relating to the purchase of their home in which I was intimately involved. It was not! In his state of confusion, Eli mumbled a few words and told me he had gotten a call from his sister, Woedem, from Ghana, announcing the death of their Mom, MY SISTER GLADYS! I was floored! I screamed! I couldn't believe it! I was speechless! Whaaaat?!, I screamed!!! We spoke very briefly and I consoled him passionately. In his confusion, Eli was even wondering if it was appropriate to ask his employers permission to leave the office and go home. I told him no boss, who is truly human, in his right senses, would refuse him permission to leave his office to grieve the loss of his Mom, especially on the very day that it happened.
The next person I needed to talk with urgently was my sister Lucy in Atlanta, Georgia. When I called, she had just stepped out and I had no choice but break the news to her daughter, Esther. The instantaneous scream from Esther was deafening! She sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. It was from this point that I really started feeling the impact of what had just happened to our family! I wouldn't stop there. I called my brother Matthew. He didn't pick up both phones. I didn't leave a message because I didn't think it was appropriate to do so. You communicate such a loss to your closest relatives live, in real time, period!
Next, I looked at the time and it was too late to call my brother John in London. I sent him an email with the promise that he was going to hear from me live the next day. It was after that email that I got a call from my niece, Akpene, Gladys' daughter in Oregon. You could hear her cries from a mile away! She was uncontrollable, literally, because her own husband, Mark, attempted controlling her emotions but couldn't! She sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed! Her words were not clear but she mellowed down slowly and did her best to recount to me a conversation she had just had with Gladys last Thursday concerning the completion of the house she and her siblingswere building for Gladys and Francis, their parents. In her confusion too, Akpene literally started shouldering responsibility for her Mom's sudden death because she felt she had spoken to her harshly that Thursday out of her frustration with her Mom diverting the monies for the house to other unnecessary things. I consoled her passionately too, and asked her husband, Mark, to do the same all evening and beyond.
Next, I called Makafui, Gladys' daughter in Canada. She told me the story of how she had prayed the Rosary with Gladys last Friday when Gladys sounded very, very depressed again - a disease she had lived with for the past 18 years or so. In her typical Christian faith manner, Makafui told me that after such a long bout with this disease, DEPRESSION, she feels this is God's way of saving their mother from all the suffering she was going through for all these several years and she can now rest peacefully in God's own hands. Amen! I agreed with her completely!!!
It was obvious I was getting emotionally consumed and overtaken by these events and the only way I could get my head around all this was to take a walk to the park and gather my own thoughts. It was during this walk in the park that I started calling my own children - Mawuli, Emefa and Sika - to tell them about this hurricane which had just hit us! My children lived with Gladys at one point in their lives and she was a loving, darling auntie to them! I know they won't take this one easily! I next called Mr Francis Ahiabu, Gladys' husband. I knew he must have been deep asleep at night in Ghana but I had no choice but wake him up! He was down, of course! I spoke to him very, very briefly and asked him to go back to sleep, I would follow up with a more appropriate phone call the next day. After this, I called my brother Matthew again and we spoke briefly. He was in shock! He consoled me and assured me of his support in the days and weeks to come.
I next got a call from my sister Lucy. She broke down in tears. She cried, and cried, and cried! We reminisced a little and both agreed to do whatever we could in the next several days and weeks about our dearest sister's funeral and burial arrangements. This morning, I intend callingWoedem, Gladys' daughter in Ghana. I will do so right after this blog. I will call my sister Paulie, my brother Tsey and my brother Justice. We will all reminisce over Gladys' loss. It is a sad, sad, painful moment for our family. As we grieve, we will do our best to remember the good times when Gladys was here with us.
I am creating this blog early this morning as a forum for those who knew her best to share their thoughts and memories of her when she was here on Planet Earth! She is physically gone but her memory will never leave us. I intend to use this medium to honor my loving, darling sister who was a lot of inspiration to me as a kid growing up in the little nooks and crannies of my country of birth, Ghana. For those who don't know, Gladys was a trailblazer in our family and I intend to tell her story as best I can through this medium. I invite those who loved her also to do so. Death has a way of robbing us of our beloved ones but it is our duty to ensure that their memory lives on. We will fill these pages with images, pictures, stories and accounts of Gladys' life when she was here. We owe her that duty and we will do it beautifully!
MAY SHE REST IN PERFECT PEACE!!!
Atsu and his sister Gladys.
Atsu and his sister Gladys.
Atsu with Gladys and her husband, Francis Ahiabu.
Mawuli, Gladys, Akpene, Eli and Atsu.
Gladys, Mawuli, Akpene, Anukuare and Eli.
Mawuli, Gladys, Anukuare, Eli and Akpene.
Atsu, Gladys, Mawuli, Anukuare and Akpene.
Gladys and her (our) mother, Adzorwode, dancing on the old lady's 89th birthday, surrounded by church members.
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ReplyDeleteMama is what we all called her, because that is who she was. She loved, loved and loved again alas leaving nothing for herself. Mama did not care what it cost to love.
ReplyDeleteYes, she was only human as we too are. We quarreled, we yelled, we cried, we threatened and so did she but nothing could break the spirit of MAMA.
We spoke on Saturday. She gave me an unusual call first thing in the morning. She would not say a word to my husband. Her only words were, 'can I speak to Makafui, get my daughter to call me, it is urgent'
Usually, I would not have called her immediately, but as God will have it, I called her first thing when i got up from bed.
She said, 'I am in a great difficulty and I cannot explain it but I need you to pray for me. Ask your priest to say a mass for me on the 3rd Friday of every month - the day of Perpetual Help and ask Eli, Woedem and Akpene to do the same'. I encouraged her as usual, we shared some sarcastic jokes about her being like a 'stubborn child' to us her kids. She was HAPPY. I promised her based on the word of God (not mine) that she will live to see us all back at home with her grand kids and there was going to be a big celebration. She will live in the house she was so much anxious about. And it will be a monument after her own desire. NONE of us (kids, husband, siblings, church, friends, etc) from our human resources (money, time, emotional support) could have offered her what she yearned for. It was beyond physical, she yearned for everlasting peace, love, joy, hope; an everlasting HOME. Only God could and that is what he has given her now.
So I thank God for calling her to rest. And even though HE left us without a Mother to call MAMA, I would rather HE has her now. I mourn because I will not hear her voice again nor will anyone remember my birthday, that of my husband, the grandkids and every single anniversary there is. I will only remember her memory on these days.
Though we wish she had been called in a more opportune time, God decided his daughter had had enough. Her life was worth more to him than it ever meant or would ever mean to any of us. We could not offered her anything to appease her restless spirit. So it must be that at last, her soul never did seem to find rest until now, when she rests with her maker. Indeed our souls shall never rest, until they rest in HIM too.
Mama, so we will definitely be having that party. We will celebrate your life and all that you have given. Though we had nothing to offer you, We were glad to call you MAMA. You loved Jesus and he loved you too. May he be the one to keep you forever.
Bye Mama. We will see you again soon, soon, soon in God's appointed time
Thank you Lord, for the giving me this special person all my life; my mother, and allowing her to also be Mama to so many people. I mean, so many.
ReplyDeleteYour heart, big as a globe. You gave love to all who came your way.
I called your cell phone twice last night mom despite the news of your passing hoping there must be a mistake. I just wanted to hear your voice just one more time Mama. I wanted to hear you say "hello Akpene".
Who is going to pray for me now Mama?
I love you Mom. I'm not as strong as you and will pause for now. I will be back........
Mama,
ReplyDeleteI'm not surprised you asked for a mass 3rd Sunday of the month (Perpetual Help).
Every morning growing up, you would gather us all in the living room in front of the alter of the Sacret Heart for a morning prayer to begin our day.
Your spiritual strength is amazing. A true believer in God.
I'm on my way Mama, to honor your simple request for a mass............
Mama, you did it again today. Your spiritual strength got me at The Grotto on Sandy Blvd in Portland Oregon.
ReplyDeleteI just had to talk to someone about you. I talked at length with one of the catholic priest about you and showed him pictures of you. He told me you are with God in Heaven. He had a place in his arms just for you and you were right there. Peaceful and happy. After the many years of your services to the Lord, praising him, introducing him to many people and changing lives in many many ways, you are where you always wanted to be. With the Savior.
I stayed there long enough to catch the 12 noon Mass which the priest dedicated to you. And guess what else? Your wish for a Mass 3rd Sundays of the month? You got it and it's every Sunday starting Sept 6th 2009 at the same Grotto. These are the things that made you happy and complete I feel honored to help.
I love you so much Mama and I miss you terribly.........
Mama
ReplyDeleteYou are my mother and that is what you will always be. I cant believe you have left this life. Who will love us the way you do? I remember how you always end our conversations on the phone with the phrase "I love you", waiting eagerly for a similar response, reaffirming our love for each other!
Although we had our quarrels, we were always quick to forgive each other.
Your battle with depression made it difficult for us to understand you sometimes, but one thing that was never in question was our love for each other.
I remember visiting you in May 2009 and you tried to share with me your emotional problems. I wished I could save you from all these but I did not know how.I advised you to turn to the word of God for strength anytime you are sad or depressed.
That was the day I decided to say a prayer for your happiness and peace of mind every morning. On the day of your death, I remember saying this prayer for you, but never did I know that the only way to this happiness and peace of mind is through death.
I wish I had done more to help you, but now its too late.
Although I am sad that you could not say goodbye, that now there is nobody to call me on my birthday to wish me the best, I know that you are resting in the bossom of the Lord Almighty.
I love you mama, always
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThanks to all of you who’ve actively participated in this blog so far. It has taken me a while, partly because of the emotional trauma of seeing the pictures, reading your texts and reminiscing the times spent with Mama. I finally braved it this afternoon, and those pictures really hit home for me, just as anticipated.
ReplyDeleteWhile at work on Tuesday September first in the afternoon California time, I received a call from my wife, May, saying that my sister Woedem had called and wanted to talk to me. I immediately felt this must be important because Woedem and I had earlier the same morning exchanged a series of emails because she was thinking of visiting us, her siblings in Canada and the US. I wondered, why would Woedem be calling, after she and I had just exchanged a bunch of emails? When Woedem broke the news, my heart just sunk. I simply could not believe it. Mama? Noooooo!!! Ohhhhhh!! I broke down and wept like a baby.
After hanging up with Woedem, I gathered some strength and called Akpene, my sister in Portland. She was at work and did not pick up. Next, I called Uncle Atsu, Mama’s brother. Uncle and I speak often, and he usually instantly makes me out by voice. I was clearly so shaken that Uncle could not tell from my voice as to who was calling. After I murmured what had happened, Uncle screamed, obviously in shock and disbelief.
Again, I gathered some calm and went to break the news to my boss, who was also quite a good friend. Yes, I thought I was calm, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I approached my boss and asked whether he had some time to talk. He offered me a chair. As soon as I dropped in the chair, I was sobbing again helplessly. He was clearly shaken, as he had never seen me like that. It took a while before I could explain what had happened. He comforted me and told me about when he lost his mom. He tried to encourage me to be strong, but that had only the reverse effect. I broke down again sobbing even worse, before finally controlling myself. I thanked him and left his office. The rest of the day was, for lack of a worse word, terrible.
The last time I saw Mama in person was in late 2004, when I paid a surprise visit to Ghana with my sister Akpene. I still recall the utter joy in her when she saw us. I WANT, WANT, desperately WANT to remember her JUST like that. And now, when I think about how I would never hear her youthful voice again, it just makes me feel sick. I now wish I called her every single day, until she gets fed up taking to me.
Mama had not met my wife May, one reason why it hurts so badly. Mama never met our newborn and her granddaughter Nuna, another reason why it hurts so badly. Mama has not even seen pictures of Nuna, as I was still yet to post pictures to her address due to lack of internet access in Juapong. Yet another reason why it hurts to badly. I take comfort in the solid relationship that May had with Mama, though both didn’t recall ever meeting in person back at Akosombo. I also take comfort that Mama heard her granddaughter, Nuna, make sounds over the phone. These priceless moments of interaction between Mama and my young family gives me some comfort, but the thought of never picking up the phone and calling Mama again and again just leaves a terrible, terrible feeling of loss. It is hard to imagine any loss that could trump this one.
As I reflect on Mama’s passing, so many memories flash back. Some making me smile, while others bring unbearable grief. I recall how she and May kicked off a great relationship, even though they had not met in person. I recall how she always, always asks me “Eli, are you taking good care of your wife?” It meant so much that she always asked that question and I will never forget those words. I recall how she never forgets my birthday, even when I forget myself. I recall when I was little and she said to me: Eli, when you grow up, you should become a priest, a teacher or a doctor. She explained that Jesus was a preacher, a teacher and a healer. And when I become none of those, she loved me anyway. And when our daughter was born, Mama was first on the phone to say, she should become a nun, though I’m sure Nuna has her own ideas, or soon will. Mama was an idealist, and one with big dreams, mega plans and creative imagination, even after retirement. We all encouraged her to take things easy and enjoy her retirement and grandchildren, but her energy level simply won’t allow. She kept going strong.
ReplyDeleteMama was a woman of great knowledge and substance. She was well accomplished, over and beyond many women, and yes, men too. She inspired us every step of the way to reach for the stars. She was a shining example that we all had no reason to risk out for new frontiers and achieve. I recall when I was in grade five, still with a year to go to secondary school. Mama quickly enrolled me in holiday classes so I could skip grade six enter secondary school immediately. She meant to do it, and she got it done!!! Not just for me, but also for Divine, a family friend’s child with whom I went to grade school. And when our youngest sibling, Makafui, was in grade three. Mama pulled off a real stunner, that left even those of us who knew her utterly speechless. She succeeded in preparing Makafui for secondary school, making her skip grades four, five and six. Such was the upbringing she gave us. Nothing was impossible for this trailblazer that we had, and STILL have as our one and only Mama.
MY Mama was a giant, both literarily and figuratively. I recall how most of the people who knew her called her simply Mama. Even adult men, who were her seniors. Sometimes, I felt funny when I got older and she would send me to deliver a message to her work colleague or priest or someone of her peer. I usually pondered over how I would call her to the recipient of the message, knowing well my Mama was not quite their Mama. I would arrive and say “Mama says……” And they would respond “Tell Mama ……” How else would I call her, when everyone else called her simply Mama? Because she really was one of a kind.
Mama, we love you and we miss you dearly. Though you’ve moved on, you continue to live, forever, in our thoughts and our hearts. May you rest in PERFECT PEACE.
I was reflecting back. Years back when we were in grade school, every evening Mama would have us read to her. Mama is a teacher and her children needed to be academically up with the speed. This was always at night when she was out from work after a long day in the office.
ReplyDeleteI would always say she was of course in the office all day and couldn't be tired. We on the other hand are tired from a long day at school.
What did I ever know about the difference between being at school and working. All I ever wanted was to be out playing with the neighborhood kids. Yes, I had that too; later after my reading session with Mama.
Oh how I loved sweets just like Mama. Americans call it "sweet tooth". I would pour out Milo into little cups and saucers at different locations in the living room drawers so it will harden up into candys. It didn't matter how many kids were in the house at one time, Mama knew the one who did that. Me. She would say "Oh Akpene". She almost fooled me. I thought she had eyes at the back of her head at one point. I smiled today thinking about this.
Over the last few days, different thoughts and feelings come to mind. Very difficult to put them all together at one sitting. This is what comes to mind this evening and I thought I would share this funny piece of information about Mama and I.
Mama lighted my path in many ways and her love was in abundance every time...........